She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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