I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
