I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
