When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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