batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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