discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
