I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
