is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
