he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
