I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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