Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
