I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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