I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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