My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
