honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
And then he peed in my hair
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