after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
