piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
