he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
