I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
