I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
