So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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