My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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