shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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