ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
