You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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