Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
