guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
