Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
