My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
