I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
