the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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