I want to walk on stilts...naked
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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