I can tuck mytits in my pants
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
