That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
