just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
