Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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