Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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