Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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