i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
