We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
