Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
