she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
