Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
