dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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