Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
