I wish my penis had an off switch
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
