my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
