Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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