how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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