i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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