Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
