Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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