There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
