He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we should paint friendship bongs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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