the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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