you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry about my life...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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